Trust the friends of to-day as if they will be enemies to-morrow... Do not put weapons in the hand for deserters from friendship to wage war with. On the other hand, leave the door of reconciliation open for enemies... The vengeance of long ago is at times the torment of to-day.
Baltasar Gracián, 1647 (tr. Joseph Jacobs, 1892)
Relationships are not permanent, and the wise act with that in mind without becoming cold. Two cautions follow. With friends, keep a small reserve: do not hand over the weapons, the secrets, the vulnerabilities, that would arm them if the friendship ever turned, because friends who become enemies become the most dangerous kind. With enemies, hold back from total war: leave a door of reconciliation open, because today's adversary may be tomorrow's needed ally, and the vengeance you take now can become the torment you regret later. This is not cynicism about human bonds; it is refusing to make any relationship so absolute that its reversal would destroy you. Warm to friends with a margin, firm with enemies without burning the bridge.
Practice
- Keep one reserve even with close friends; do not arm anyone with what would wound you if the friendship reversed (maxim 179 keeps the cellar sealed).
- With enemies, win without scorching the earth; leave a door open, because the adversary of today may be the ally you need tomorrow (maxim 131 turns victory into generosity).
- Avoid total vengeance; the harm you inflict now is the grudge that returns for you later, so keep even conflict recoverable.
Use this when
- Use this in volatile professional relationships, alliances and rivalries that shift with circumstances and reorganisations.
- Use it in the heat of a falling-out; the reserve you keep and the door you leave open are what protect you when the wheel turns again.
Ignore this when
- Don't let the caution poison genuine intimacy; a true friendship still gets real trust, just not the weapons that only matter if it dies (maxim 156 chooses the few deeply).
- Don't leave the door open to those who have proven they will only use it to attack again; some enemies have earned a closed door (maxim 116 checks for honour).
A picture of it
In a bad falling-out with a peer, a manager is tempted to end it decisively, to deploy everything he knows and burn the relationship to the ground. He holds back instead, wins the immediate dispute without the scorched earth, and leaves a door open. Two years and one reorganisation later, that same peer is his boss, and because he had neither armed a friend-turned-rival nor destroyed an enemy beyond reconciliation, the relationship recovers. The victory he wanted in the heat of it would have lasted a month. The reserve he kept instead is what he is grateful for on every day he now reports upward.
Keep a margin with friends and a door open with enemies. The wheel turns, and today's absolute becomes tomorrow's regret.