To excuse oneself before there is occasion is to accuse oneself. To draw blood in full health gives the hint to ill-will. An excuse unexpected arouses suspicion from its slumbers... He had best disarm distrust by the integrity of his conduct.
Baltasar Gracián, 1647 (tr. Joseph Jacobs, 1892)
Explaining yourself before anyone has asked is a way of accusing yourself. The unrequested excuse draws attention to a fault that might otherwise have gone unnoticed, and it wakes a suspicion that was peacefully asleep, because people reason that no one defends himself against a charge that was never made unless there is something to it. The image is of drawing blood from a healthy body: you have created the wound yourself and shown ill-will exactly where to press. So when nothing has been asked, offer nothing, and let the integrity of your conduct do the work of disarming distrust. And even when suspicion clearly exists, it is usually a mistake to show that you are aware of it, because acknowledging a suspicion is already halfway to confirming it. Straight conduct and silence beat the eager explanation almost every time.
Practice
- Offer no explanation where none was asked; the unrequested excuse accuses you and wakes a suspicion that was asleep (maxim 222's reserve applies here too).
- Let straight conduct disarm distrust rather than words; integrity over time does what the eager defence cannot.
- Even where suspicion clearly exists, think hard before showing you know it; acknowledging a suspicion is halfway to confirming it.
Use this when
- Use this when you feel the urge to pre-empt a criticism no one has actually made; that urge is the trap.
- Use it after a minor stumble; the loud apology often draws more attention to the fault than a silent fix would.
Ignore this when
- Don't confuse this with hiding real problems that must be disclosed; the rule is against the needless excuse, not against honest, required accountability (maxim 126 reports the damaging kind).
- Don't stonewall a direct, fair question; when satisfaction is genuinely demanded, withholding it is its own error, and even then give only what is necessary.
A picture of it
Anxious about a small delay no one has mentioned, an employee sends a long unprompted email explaining exactly why it happened, and in doing so hands his manager a fault she had not noticed and a defensiveness she now files away. The excuse offered before the occasion accused him of a problem that, until his email, did not exist in her mind. Had he simply fixed the delay and said nothing, the matter would have passed without a trace. The blood was drawn in full health, self-inflicted, and it woke a suspicion that would have slept forever if he had let it lie.
The excuse no one asked for is a confession. Say nothing where nothing was asked, and let straight conduct answer the charge that was never made.