Both are mean forms of tyranny... It is convenient at times to belong to others, that others may belong to us... others are all for others, which is folly... No day, no hour, is their own... A shrewd man knows that others when they seek him do not seek him, but their advantage in him and by him.
Baltasar Gracián, 1647 (tr. Joseph Jacobs, 1892)
Two opposite errors, both named tyranny. The person who is all for himself yields nothing, leans only on his own luck, and finds the crutch breaks when he needs it, because he has built no reserve of goodwill in others. The person who is all for others keeps no hour of his own, becomes the slave of everyone's demands, and loses himself entirely, which is its own folly. The livable position is a ratio: belong to others enough that they come to belong to you, but keep a core that is yours alone. And keep one clear eye open, because when people seek you out, they are usually seeking their own advantage in you, not you. Give generously, but never to the point of self-erasure.
Practice
- Keep a ratio, not an extreme; belong to others enough that they belong to you, but hold a core of time and self that stays yours (maxim 247 guards the time).
- Notice that the all-for-self crutch breaks; the person who banks no goodwill in others has nothing to lean on when his own luck fails.
- Remember what people are usually seeking when they seek you: their advantage in you, which is worth serving without mistaking it for love.
Use this when
- Use this to check your own balance; if no hour is your own you have slid into slavery, and if you yield nothing, into tyranny.
- Use it in demanding roles and seasons, where the pull toward being all-for-others is strongest and the self disappears without your noticing.
Ignore this when
- Don't read this as licence for selfishness; the all-for-self extreme is a tyranny too, and its crutch breaks (maxim 226 still obliges freely).
- Don't erase yourself into pure service; the all-for-others life is folly flying to an extreme, and it serves no one well for long.
A picture of it
Generous to a fault, a manager gives every hour to his team and his boss until no part of the day, or of himself, is his own, and the goodwill he pours out is simply taken as his due. When his own health finally forces him to reclaim some ground, he rediscovers the balance he had lost: belonging to others enough that they belong back, while keeping a core that is his alone. He does not swing to the other tyranny of all-for-self, whose crutch he has watched break in colleagues. He finds the ratio, and both his work and his health recover from it.
All for yourself is tyranny; all for others is slavery. Keep the ratio, and keep one hour, and one core, that are yours alone.