Arm yourself each day before the mirror of attention with the weapons of defence. Thus you will beat down the attacks of folly... Armed with prudence, a man cannot be disarmed by impertinence... Feigned misunderstanding is of great value in such matters. Aided by politeness it helps us over all...
Baltasar Gracián, 1647 (tr. Joseph Jacobs, 1892)
The world is full of discourtesy, presumption, and folly, and the prudent thing is to expect it and be prepared rather than be caught off guard and provoked into a reaction that costs you. The image is of arming yourself each morning before the mirror of attention, deciding in advance that you will not let impertinence disarm you. A person braced for rudeness cannot be knocked off balance by it, whereas one who is surprised by it reacts and loses. One especially useful weapon is feigned misunderstanding: appearing not to catch the insult or the provocation, so that, aided by politeness, you glide past it without engaging. Refusing to notice an attack is often the cleanest way out of a difficulty it would only cost you to answer directly.
Practice
- Arm yourself in advance; expect discourtesy so it cannot surprise you into a reaction that costs you (maxim 207 keeps the reins on the passions).
- Use feigned misunderstanding as a weapon; not catching the insult, aided by politeness, glides you past what answering would only inflame.
- Do not expose your reputation to petty provocations; the person braced for rudeness keeps his standing, the one caught off guard spends it.
Use this when
- Use this daily in rough environments; deciding in advance not to be provoked is what keeps you from being provoked.
- Use feigned misunderstanding when an insult is beneath a direct response but would cost you to answer head-on.
Ignore this when
- Don't let armour harden into coldness or paranoia; the guard is against folly, not against everyone (maxim 243's dove stays too).
- Don't feign misunderstanding of things that genuinely require a response; some attacks must be met, and pretending otherwise is evasion (maxim 205 knows when contempt fits).
A picture of it
Needled by a colleague who specialises in the barbed aside, a manager used to take the bait every time, reacting and looking rattled while the needler stayed clean. Then he starts arming himself each morning, deciding in advance that the barbs will not land, and adds one tool: he simply appears not to understand them, answering the surface words politely as if no insult were intended. Denied the reaction he was fishing for, the colleague's barbs lose their point, and the manager's standing, which the reactions used to spend, stays intact. He was not disarmed by impertinence once he came armed.
Expect the rudeness and arm for it before the mirror each day. Prudence cannot be disarmed by impertinence, and not noticing is often the way out.