You oblige people most that way... Courtesy does not really make presents, but really lays men under obligation, and generosity is the great obligation... nothing costs more dear than what is given him: you sell it him twice and for two prices: one for the value, one for the politeness. At the same time it is true that with vulgar souls generosity is gibberish...
Baltasar Gracián, 1647 (tr. Joseph Jacobs, 1892)
The manner in which you give something can be worth as much as the thing itself. When you offer a favour, a gift, or a service with genuine courtesy and grace, you are effectively charging two prices and collecting both: the value of the thing, and the goodwill created by the politeness of the giving. To a decent person, nothing binds more strongly than something given graciously, because generosity lays a real obligation that mere transaction never does, and they will repay it, often doubly. The important caveat is that this works only with people capable of appreciating it; to coarse souls, courtesy and generosity are meaningless, wasted on those who register only the material value. So give with grace to those who can read it, and you turn ordinary favours into lasting bonds worth far more than their cost.
Practice
- Give with genuine courtesy; the grace of the giving creates goodwill worth as much as the thing given, and decent people repay it doubly (maxim 226's obliging habit).
- Charge the two prices deliberately; a favour offered graciously binds where the same favour handed over coldly does not.
- Read the receiver first; courtesy and generosity are wasted on coarse souls who register only material value (maxim 236's mean natures again).
Use this when
- Use this in every favour and gift among people who can appreciate the manner; the grace multiplies the value at no extra cost.
- Use it to build durable bonds; the graciously given favour lays an obligation that mere transaction never creates.
Ignore this when
- Don't cast this courtesy before those who cannot read it; with coarse souls generosity is gibberish, and the manner is wasted (maxim 236's bit-not-spur limit).
- Don't let the manner substitute for a favour of real value; grace multiplies a genuine gift, it does not replace one.
A picture of it
Asked for a favour he intends to grant anyway, a manager pays attention to the manner as much as the act: he gives it warmly, graciously, as a genuine pleasure rather than a grudging transaction, and the recipient walks away bound by more than the favour itself. Months later that goodwill returns doubled, in help offered before he even asks. Had he handed the same favour over coldly, as a bare transaction, it would have created none of this. The favour was one size; the grace of the giving sold it a second time, at a price that kept paying.
The manner doubles the gift. Give with courtesy to those who can read it, and you sell the favour twice for one cost.